Ask an Unscripted Question

In Atul Gawande’s book Better: A Surgeon’s Notes on Performance, there is an Afterword that has changed the way I approach interactions with new acquaintances. He provides five suggestions on how to make a worthy difference and become what he terms a “positive deviant.” The first suggestion is, “Ask an unscripted question.” In the context of patient care, he suggests connecting on a more human level, and asking questions outside the realm of the typical medical history questions. Things like, “Where did you grow up?” or “What made you move to Boston” can spark a conversation that goes more than just two sentences. You begin to learn interesting things about interesting people, and you might even learn something about yourself in the process.

I’ve been a pretty quiet guy and fairly reserved for a long time.. and frankly, I still am. But lately, I find myself striking up conversations I normally would never have. Just the other day, a man sat across from me at Subway and I began to learn that he lived downtown, was on welfare, dropped out of high school, and once threw a touchdown as a tight end in high school football. Interestingly, I found out he played in a band at a bar in Windsor long ago, which is near my hometown. Within five minutes I had connected to someone who was so very different from myself. It was a reminder that while we’re all from different walks of life, there are brief moments and characteristics that bring us together. That, to me, is pretty awesome.

One line that has resonated with me is this: “If you ask a question, the machine begins to feel less like a machine.” Often we get stuck on a wheel of perfunctory greetings and social interactions with no deeper meaning or significance just because we tend to stick to the status quo. For so long, the most I’ve talked to people about is How they’re doing (answer is always “Good, you?”), or how cold/hot the weather is. I’m 21 years old now, and it already is getting old and repetitive. But it doesn’t have to be that way. I think we could benefit from opening up to each other a little more, and going beyond those first couple sentences. Of course, if we are pushing to ask others, we must push to share ourselves.

Reading The Classics, Without That Pesky Report

Every time I’ve read a classic novel, it’s been for a school assignment. The Great Gatsby, Animal Farm, Dracula, To Kill A Mockingbird… the list goes on… I was only reading them because I was assigned to it or we were reading it as a high school English class. Looking back, I don’t think I ever truly enjoyed the books. They were interesting, sure, but there was something about being required to read them that took the fun out of it.

About a month ago, I decided to try reading a classic novel on my own. No one was making me. I was not going to be graded on my chapter summaries or plot analyses. I went with something I’d never read before, but had read and heard good things about from others and online. I gave Ernest Hemingway’s “A Farewell To Arms” a read. A slow start, the book eventually picked up and the storyline became more rich and emotionally complex with each chapter. Without obligations, I had time to appreciate the context in which the story was written (WWI). I could learn the intricacies of the characters, without needing to analyze it in detail and submit a report by Monday morning. I could put it down when I want to, and finish chapter 10 by whatever the hell day I wanted to.

Looking back, I have to say that I strongly believe I got more enjoyment and understanding out of the novel than I would have in the classroom setting. Maybe that’s just because I’m 20 now instead of 16 and have a more mature and patient attitude. But maybe it’s because I could learn on my own about the story. Maybe the fact that I was able to choose what I wanted to read rather than it being assigned put me in the right state of mind to appreciate the unique style and prose of Hemingway’s writing. Do we really need a teacher guiding us through every chapter in excruciating detail to appreciate the finer aspects of the book? Is summarizing every chapter night after night really the best way to understand the story? I’m not so sure. It’s the way things have been done for years, but that doesn’t mean it’s necessarily the best way.

So often we look to modern novels for something to read. It could be the latest bestseller, the popular Hunger Games or Harry Potter series, or some vampire romance novel.. they are often chosen over the classic novels, of which there are thousands of extraordinary and unique reads. You get a glimpse into the past with classic novels. Not only in the sense of the time period in which it was written, but also the style of the writing and how the author was influenced by his or her time. It’s a unique experience, and something I hadn’t noticed before in the classroom.

I will definitely be picking up classic novels more often to see just what I’ve missed all along. And I won’t be comparing and contrasting them in an argumentative essay to submit by next week, just in case you were wondering.

Caught In The Rain

A fun and relaxing day behind us, we head for shore hoping to get off the boat before the threat of bad weather becomes a problem. Suddenly, the wind picks up and drops of rain start to fall. The water takes on a rippled texture as the wind picks up. The trees start to sway. And then it hits, rain pelting sideways and hard against our skin. Is that hail? Hard to tell, but it sure feels like it. Our clothes become drenched, water drips down into our eyes, and a foreign feeling sets in. Being drenched is not something we want to experience for much longer. We hurry to grab our things and head inside, but not without stammering awkwardly through the mud. We try desperately to get inside and to a dry place. A more familiar, and seemingly comfortable place.

The last time I can remember being soaked from the rain like I was yesterday afternoon would probably be a soccer game when I was 12 or 13 years old. The difference is, it was fun then. You ran around in the puddles, got your socks soaked without hesitation, and hoped that the game could go on, so long as lightning wasn’t too close by. It was a rare moment, something to enjoy. A change of pace from the hot, sunny weather we were accustomed to in the summer months.

But times change.

Something seems to happen between then and when you become an adult. Being soaked or full of mud is not a welcome feeling anymore. Is it the gaining of maturity, or is it the loss of adventure that brings about this change?

Maybe I’m dwelling on it too much, but I wonder if perhaps we could all benefit from a little more adventure. A little more acceptance of unfamiliar or unwelcome situations. We might even seek to put ourselves in uncomfortable positions from time to time instead of avoiding them at all costs. I’ll be honest, despite what I say here, you won’t find me running out into the streets when a storm next hits like x or y romantic comedy. But maybe I won’t be in such a rush to get indoors. Maybe there is some fun to be had to make the best of a spoiled outdoor activity. It’s something to think about, because there will come a time again when we get caught in the rain.

The Opening Act

I realized a few weeks ago that I really enjoy reading others’ thoughts on various topics. Whether its about movies, life moments, or just everyday observances, I think there’s something to be learned from reading other people’s perspectives. You get a glimpse of how they see the world around them, and that’s pretty cool.

So, I’m starting this blog to contribute my own thoughts, as strange or varied as they may be. I hope to write about anything I think of. I’m not sure how often it will be, but I’m giving it a shot.

Stay tuned.